Sometimes All the time as a parent, especially a mother you have to take a step back from the things you think you want and appreciate the things that these beautiful babies and life give you. Right. Then. Before Levi, I lived my life in a constant whirl of checkmarks and make-believe ideas about how my life was supposed to look. I planned ahead so much that I never enjoyed today. Then I had a child and poof! my so-called-perfect-little-life changed. With each year that I am a mother I learn more and more to let go of these “ideals of perfection” and revel in the moments, because as my children grow (yes even the one in my belly), I will never, ever get those moments back and that my friends is my new definition of perfect. I have thrown away checklists that once included trivial things such as ·paint my nails ·wash the windows, ect. and replaced those not so important things that were filling up my time with nothingness. By nothingness, I mean just sitting there watching my big, boy 2 1/2 year old play in the dirt or watch him discover a new bug. You will miss these things, whether you are a parent or not. You will miss life if you plan it down to the last iota of how a molecule should preform. Not only will you miss the crazy beauty of the little things, you will be constantly disappointed, because guess what? The universe laughs at your plans.
The image below is a reminder of all the things that I just mentioned. I STILL try to plan out every detail, ESPECIALLY as a photographer. This is a piece of our land that I fell in love with since the first time I laid eyes on it. I imagined and visualized what this image should look like. Visualizing is good, planning is good, to an extent. You have to get a plan to get things done and as a creator, you have to have a vision. But here in this image Levi wasn’t acting the way I wanted. He was running towards me as I was trying to get this shot because he was terrified that I was leaving him. Also, as I was trying to get this shot my lens was EXTREMELY fogged up, so I just snapped it and didn’t even look at it again. Levi came screaming to me and that was it, I was left consoling a 2 1/2 year old who refused to try again. I figured the image was botched. BUT THEN…. I decided to upload some images I took on that memory card and here was this washed out image. I started to look a little closer and then I found the beauty in it. All it needed was a little attention, undivided attention, and I could see just how amazing this “throw away” really was. And guess what? This moment was better than the one that I had planned out in my head. Life gave me more than I expected, all I had to do was stop, watch and listen. Now this photo holds a special place in my heart, because that little boy is running towards the one person who always makes him feel safe and loved, his Momma.